One year ago today my Grandma died after courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. She passed away one day shy of her 81st birthday with my Grandpa standing beside her. Missy and I flew home to Utica that weekend to see her for her birthday, not expecting we would actually be saying goodbye.

I haven’t written about her death before or it’s impact on my life. I’ve found it extremely difficult to put my feelings into words. But not a day goes by when I don’t think about her in some way — whether I’m walking to work in the morning, enjoying dinner at night or lying in bed wondering why she was stricken with cancer.

In the months before her death, we would often talk on the phone about life. Despite the difficult situation she faced as a cancer patient, my Grandma kept a positive attitude — and was always thankful that she was blessed with a beautiful and healthy family. She repeated those words to me often, reminding me how lucky we are to be alive.

As almost anyone who knows me will tell you, I try to live life to its fullest. But after my Grandma died last year, I made a commitment to live my life like she did — always looking out for others, putting my family’s priorities before my own and keeping a positive attitude no matter how troubling a situation I might be facing. I’m far from perfect and probably won’t ever be the saint that she was, but I will certainly try.

In the past year, without having her to talk to on Sundays, I’ve grown much closer to my Grandpa. We now talk each and every Sunday, usually about sports or the weather or the things we’ve both done over the past week. I love getting updates about my cousins and checking on his aching knee. He’s a remarkably strong person. I am so proud of him.

I’m also proud of my parents, especially my mother, who visited my Grandma each and every day upon learning about her cancer. Since my Grandma’s death, my mom has taken up my Grandma’s favorite passion: cooking. And while I know it’s hardly my mom’s favorite thing to do, it makes me so happy to hear that every night my Grandpa is at my parents’ house having dinner and spending time with family.

At this point, I’ll stop because I’ve managed to bring myself to tears. My cousins and I often joked that Grandma knew everyone — and everything about them. While many people who are reading this may have never known her, she most certainly would have loved to have known you. That’s just who she was — one of the kindest people you’d encounter. And if there’s one trait of hers that lives on in me, I hope it’s that one.